It's Time For...

Douchebag Quotes of the Week!

1.Lets set the scene first...

Maxim Magazines Hot 100 Party. This place is like a breeding ground for DBags. I mean, they seemed to multiply over the 2 hours I was there. They were like roaches, for everyone oneI stepped on and squished the ego out of, it was like two more would appear in his place.

So, not only was this guy hammered, but he's hammered off the berry martinis they were giving out for free. He's also wearing a terrible button up, has enough gel in his hair to be on the Jersey Shore, and slurring every third word out of his mouth. And boy oh boy did he think he had just the right thing to say to me, to get me to go with him!

DBag: (drunk off of his ass) You should come with me!

Me: Why?

DBag: I've got a VIP TABLE! With bottle service and everything!

Me: (Roll of the eyes) No Way! Seriously? A VIP table? That's amazing.

DBag: And you should come, because I gotta limo!

Yeah dude. Because not only do free drinks from Pauly D knockoffs get me going, but the limo! Oh Wow! The limo... Should I drop my panties now? Or should I do it when I'm staring up at some trashy fiber optic lighting while sliding around on bad leather seats? And PLEASE tell me if it's a Hummer limo, because I will drop 'em right here if that's the case.

2.I'd just spent the last two hours sitting next to this guy at a nightclub. Knowing this guy has a very serious girlfriend and knowing everyone else in the room did as well, I steered clear of being anything more than friendly. And after watching half a dozen or so girls walk as sultry and or slutty as possible by our table, trying to get even just an inkling of his attention, I decided desperation wasn't a good look on anyone. But later that night as a car full of boys dropped me off at home, he decided he hadn't got the attention he wanted and he was going to be the one to walk me to my door. You'd think that after two hours of me shutting down this ego inflated man/boy he would've gotten a clue, but apparently he's not the brightest crayon trying to get into my crayon box.

DBag: We should have an affair.

Me: You have a girlfriend.

DBag: That's why it's called an affair.

Me: No.

DBag: Give me your number

Me:No!

DBag: Come oooon... Give me your number.

Me: Goodnight.

This is a note to all men out there, no matter what you look like, how successful you are, how many chicks you've banged, how many cars you have, how big your house is, how special your mother thinks you are, and even if you are Gods greatest gift to this Earth... Whining is NOT attractive. Ever.

Oh, and neither are cheaters!

3.Nightclub. Standing with my three girlfriends. We have drinks in our hands, which YES, we bought ourselves... He's not only old, but poor guy looks like his ex wife left him nothing but a bad button up shirt and really bad jeans.

DBag: You girls HAVE to come with me to my table. I have a bottle. Free drinks! And, I mean, my friends will think I'm cool for once, i mean, if you guys come with me...

I'm sorry to say, but your friends most likely already think you're cool. And they most likely think you're the best looking one out of them, considering they sent you over to violate our space. So, as I shut you down, keep your head held high knowing that even though we aren't going within 15 feet of your table for the rest of the night, your friends think you're the tops!